Brainy Insaney

A Bedtime Story For Desperate Anxious Adults

One of my least favorite side effects of getting older is disrupted sleep. It’s hard to tell if it’s menopause or just general anxiety surrounding the constantly changing world but nowadays when I’m occasionally hit with a night from hell, I can’t believe I survived being a new mum without killing anyone – thank you, oxytocin.  

Here’s how I spent last night:

Thank you, Brainy.

It wasn’t midnight.

It was twenty minutes, tops.

Whatever it is that keeps me up from time to time, one night without sleep and the next day, I’m a bit out of sorts.

The darkness that comes with sleep deprivation makes every innocent comment a major attack, and every minor annoyance personal. With just two sleepless nights in a row, I could so easily upend my job, or permanently damage my relationship with my kids, my husband, my friends.

Despite my inability to reason when sleep deprived, I get lucky sometimes, and my brain manages to break past the noise with a rational whisper.

Even as she annoys me, Brainy comes to my rescue and gently steers me back to my senses.

Usually, I get up and spew a bunch of hatred into my exhausted notebook until I fall back to sleep. The perfect repository for every insane thought I’ve ever had, my journal catches the brunt of my rage, and all 450 volumes are a quiet reminder of how close I’ve come to ruining everything.

If after I’m dead and buried, my kids actually bother to read my journals instead of burning them, they will find the rantings of the PMS and postpartum afflicted, peri/menopausal, sleep deprived maniac that has shown up over the years, the same lunatic that still comes for a visit every so often when sleep eludes me.

Recently though, (five minutes ago) I learned there are people on YouTube who read bedtime stories for adults in need of help falling asleep. I thought this hilarious but the number of subscribers tells me someone is finding it useful.

So, since, I’m supposed to be offering something of value with these Substack rants, I thought I’d share my own bedtime story below. If you too, find yourself up at night due to menopause, your overactive brain, or a poorly timed king size ice cream sandwich, here’s a quick bedtime story for the truly desperate insomniac.

click below for the story.