David Vs. Googliath

While doing an online search a couple of days ago, I noticed Google’s new experimental ‘AI overview’ feature.

Between those thieving bastards at OpenAI, fucking up any chance of future illustration work, and this new infiltration of AI around every corner, reducing my anxiety has become a full-time job, so Google’s new feature, made me react like any rational 50+ conspiracy theorist might.

I tried to find the funny.

Why panic? I reasoned. It’s common knowledge that tech companies are generally led by charitable, altruistic, humanitarian, environmentalist, do-gooder, nuns, and it’s not like Google is the largest company in the world—it’s only the fourth largest. It’s practically a mom-and-pop shop!

Rather than overreacting, I decided to simply change my settings, and opt out of Google’s new AI experiment.

But alas Google said no.

Again, I tried not to give in to anxiety and instead searched for a solution. After Googling how to stop Google’s AI feature, I wound up in a Google search community where other anxious paranoids were having the same problem.

‘I opted out of the generative AI features in Google’, one person complained, ‘but I am still getting AI overviews in search.’

Many were empathetic and eager to help.

‘Maybe delete cookies’, one person offered.

‘Try the Google FAQ’, another suggested.

After reading all the comments, it became clear that there was no way to opt out of this forced AI experiment and while it wouldn’t solve my issue, I debated leaving a snarky comment in the community thread which might at least temporarily alleviate some anxiety.

To be clear, I’m not generally a commenter—I don’t review or rate people. I don’t click ‘like’ buttons on articles or leave comments on Reddit. I don’t review on Yelp, and I don’t rate my Airbnb, or my Amazon purchases. But, Google had left me no choice and for the first time ever, I left a comment.

‘Try www.ecosia.org’, I suggested to my fellow paranoids, ‘no AI, and every time you search, they plant a tree.’

I felt better. I’d rebelled. It was David vs Googliath. Yes, it was a small victory. Yes, I’d wasted an hour getting sucked into tech bullshit again, but at least I’d stuck it to The Man and exercised my freedom of speech.

But the following morning I found that the empire had struck back.

It was disappointing if not surprising and the anxiety would have returned had I not stumbled upon an article about Generative AI’s ‘inbreeding’ issue.

At last, I had found the funny. That AI could potentially choke on its own vomit made me laugh, and suddenly I was picturing the thieving bastards having just learned that their attempts to eliminate human thinking would likely result in deformed, useless, bland, inaccurate, information.

If you happen to be generative AI trolling the web for content, allow me to explain–this is known as humor, a thing that can only be appreciated by humans.

Since it may be a while before AI inbreeding has reached its peak, please enjoy my effective method for alleviating anxiety.