Help! Help! Send More Cameras!

This week’s onslaught of protestor news footage on university campuses has made it abundantly clear that Americans are failing to provide students what they most need during uncertain times: more cameras in their faces.

Though students across the country have shown remarkable resilience, somehow surviving the drudgery of daily life with barely a mention on TikTok, Insta, Snap, Facebook, YouTube, Reddit, or Twitter, scientific studies indicate that these amateurish tools while engaging the young, are a poor substitute for a Nikon COOLPIX P1000 with a 125x optical zoom lens.

Until Musk, or our fine government can mandate brain implants, more serious measures must be implemented in order to capture our young peoples’ every move, every thought, every bowel movement.

Some might call it criminal that despite the readily available technology—swat teams, helicopters, twenty-four-hour surveillance, the new LSST 3200-megapixel camera, these valuable resources are being squandered on trivialities like protection and selenography. All the while, America sits idly by as vulnerable students languish in obscurity.

But there’s still time. With the help of our leaders—Cooper, Amanpour, Blitzer, the imaginary audience can be real, lasting impact can be made, and the tragedy of missing a single Kodak moment can be avoided.

If, as a society, we are truly committed to driving our youth completely bonkers, our nation must act swiftly, we must act now.  

Click here or on the image above to check out my other half’s take on the matter.

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