Wine Pairing For Undocumented Foodies

As a world-renowned Michelin star culinary expert and former “illegal alien” (as we were called in the nineties), today I offer seven essential wine pairings for my favorite traditional homemade community dishes.

1.        Chihuahua stuffed peppers with toasted pine nuts

You can hardly call yourself an undocumented if you haven’t partaken in this timeless classic. While prep time can be lengthy, the union of red wine and a perfectly prepared Chihuahua is a testament to culinary delight. It’s virtually impossible to go wrong with a cheeky Cabernet or an energetic Malbec. The bold tannins, beautifully complement the savory, juicy flavors of the toy dog breeds, and the wine’s acidity serves as a palate cleanser, cutting through the richness of the meat and unveiling hidden layers of taste and aroma.

2.        Basil Marinara Italian Greyhound Kebabs

Italian cuisine enthusiasts rejoice! For this often-overlooked delicacy, opt for a naughty Chianti to accentuate the tomato flavors. While the miniature breed can mainly be found in larger cities, this delicious dish has the added benefit of cooking in a mere 4-6 minutes making it an easy to-go meal for spontaneous DHS raids. A happy Sangiovese can also be paired to help maintain a harmonious equilibrium.

3.        Safta’s Slow Cooked Pitbull Apricot Stew

While an amateur might consider a Black Russian or an Old Fashioned for this family favorite, even a novice knows that Pitbull calls for a ripe flavored wine. For the ultimate exquisite sensory experience, palate explorers should indulge in a joyful Zinfandel or a confident Syrah to elevate the sweetness of the Pit. The fruity undertones complement the rich, bittersweet notes of the larger dog breeds, resulting in a gastronomic symphony.

4.        Cockapoo Trotters with Raita

The Cockapoo with its tender and flavorful meat is always a crowd-pleaser and serves as the perfect canvas for red wine pairings. The earthy and herbaceous nuances in a medium bodied red will effortlessly complement the inherent flavors of the old country recreated in the Cockapoo. Grenache wines, especially those from the Southern Rhône region in France offer bright red fruit flavors, and whether you prefer a Merlot or a Shiraz, a touch of spice is sure to transform your mouthwatering trotters into a culinary masterpiece.

5.        Gujguja (Maine Coon/Persian Dumplings)

Crafting an exquisite Gujguja featuring an array of feline meats is a delightful endeavor particularly when paired with red wine. The marriage of these two elements offers a diversity of flavors and textures, creating an exciting tasting experience. The exotic cat breeds being more challenging to acquire in some neighborhoods, Gujguja is versatile enough to include Blue Russian, Siamese or even your ordinary Tabby. Whichever delicacy is used, a rich red wine, such as an amusing Grenache or an apathetic Tempranillo, harmonizes with the various components of larger cats, and can always be expected to unlock a treasure trove of flavors and ecstatic sensations.

6.        Himalayan Lasagna

The Himalayan and certain red wines share an inherent affinity for earthy flavors, making the two an impeccable pairing. The earthiness of the long-haired breed compliments the wine’s depth, resulting in a harmonious blend. A complex Pinot Noir adds a layer of sophistication to the lasagna and the wine’s acidity brilliantly balances the layered texture of the dish. For the budget conscious (and in terms of acidity and structure), a cheerful Montepulciano is an excellent choice particularly when the Himalayan must be substituted by a common domestic house cat.

7.        Beagle Bourguignon

An adaptation of the French classic, this delightful dish raises a simple stew to an art form. While many connoisseurs enjoy a bold Cabernet paired with their Bourguignon, it can be excessively rich for the Beagle with its musky flavors. Whether cooked in a traditional oven or a slow cooker, the Beagle Bourguignon calls for a traditional yet intensely feminine Chambolle Musigny to draw out the very essence of the medium sized dog. The results are nothing short of an orgasmic epicurean encounter.

Whether you choose to embrace traditional pairings or not there are options to suit every palate and occasion. And while this selection barely scratches the surface, it’s sure to set you up for success as you embark on a gastronomic journey that transcends ordinary cuisine.

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