Orli Auslander Makes $15K+ Per Fart

How This Substacker Moved From Instagram And Quadrupled Her Following By Breaking Wind

You might not know this obscure writer, but she's a superstar—and a super earner.

The most-read Substack newsletters might bring their superstar authors up to five trillion dollars per year. (No one’s sharing exact numbers because it’s likely a load of bollocks.) But that’s pocket change compared to Orli Auslander who is making gobs of cash with nothing more than a weekly fart.  She may not be a big name like Alison Bechdel, or Roz Chast. But much like these brilliant women, Auslander does fart regularly, and now she has the number one newsletter on Substack*.

*written by a female, Middle Eastern, Bukharian, British, satirical, brain focused, menopausal, illustrating, piss-taking, twat.

We wanted to learn more about the famously reclusive Auslander, who rarely leaves her cage but who shockingly agreed to be interviewed about her mind-blowing success.

Q. How did you get started on Substack?

A. I was dragged onto Instagram at gunpoint and did absolutely fuck-all for years missing the boat entirely. I needed some small ray of hope that people were still reading, and in desperation, I got onto Substack. Then something interesting happened—2 people liked one of my half-arsed posts and boom! Overnight, my followers quadrupled to almost 8 people - most of them human. A couple of live flatulence sessions later came my earth-shattering success. The rest is history.

Q. How do you beat famous writers to the number 1* spot on Substack?

*written by a female, Middle Eastern, Bukharian, British, satirical, brain focused, menopausal, illustrating, piss-taking, twat.

A. To be honest, I just feel so honoured to even be on the same list.

I think a lot of writers are afraid of turning off their followers by promoting themselves, but I love whoring myself out. My three followers are incredibly loyal—Cindy, for example, comments on practically every post and don’t get me started on Victoria. They are the entire reason for my success with Substack. I have a community of people who want to get my flatulence tips and are eager to post snarky comments. It’s an organic relationship and the best advertising I could possibly ask for.

Q. Is there anything from your previous job that’s been valuable in preparing you to be a Substack Superstar?

A. I have a background in intestinal gas alleviation and some radio experience but having to break wind live in front of the Tri-State area made me feel like a bit of fart machine.

Even though I left that life behind it made an excellent training ground when I transitioned to being extraordinarily popular.

Q. Why are you so much better than everyone else?

A. When Covid hit I was in the middle of a $50,000 fart installation project but the pandemic brought that to an abrupt end. I had to rethink my whole strategy and started sharing more targeted Instagram stories. As it happens, I’m a natural born genius, and world class strategist. I got 1.2 subscribers after my very first post on ‘Foods That Increase The Volume Of One’s Borborygmus’.  ‘What’s In Your Lower Intestine?’ was a hit too, but it was my Insta reel called ‘Unleashing The Power From Your Digestive Tract’ that made the difference—it practically went viral.

Unlike other famous flatulence influencers, I knew I could find my core audience on Substack. Plus, what’s easier than one fart a week, that can be released in under an hour with an eight ounce can of beans? It was a no brainer. I draw a lot of inspiration from other professional wind breakers. I’ve gained trust quickly and I provide free nitrogen, which after Covid, has made a big difference.

The sign of a true feminist is one who draws regular attention to her stock portfolios and hedge funds.

Q. Did you consider other income sources?

At one point I was doing live farting classes on Zoom but I stopped because Substack was making me truckloads of dosh, so I wanted to focus my energy.

Q. How many of your subscribers are paid?

A. Almost 6. I launched at $5 per year and slowly upped the price to $5,000,000. I think that was part of my success. Before that it seemed there was no way to scale my business.

Q. Your husband must be so proud.

A. Absolutely. He’s the wind beneath my wings, mainly because he can now spend all my hard-earned money on air freshener. He’s taken to calling me The Cash-Farting Queen.

Q. How shy are you about discussing your earnings?

A. I’m not. There’s only one way to close the enormous wage gap and I believe it’s vital that women talk about their cash reserves as often as possible. The sign of a true feminist is one who draws regular attention to her stock portfolios and hedge funds. Times have changed, if we’re to give men a run for their money, it’s imperative that we not only talk about our trillions but that we bathe publicly in liquid gold which I try to do at least weekly. One of the added benefits of this is that it opens up your pores and keeps your skin as smooth and supple as a baby’s bottom.

I break wind fifty-two times a year and I make $15K per fart. I’ve worked my arse off for that cash. You have to master the art of asking people to pay for your flatulence. It was really scary when I first launched but getting people to really trust you while taking their money, that’s what it’s all about.

Q. It must take a lot to stay organized. Do you have anyone helping you behind the scenes?

A. Not really. I do practically everything myself except for my marketing manager, my social media manager, my round the clock photographer, my flatulence capturer, my skin polisher, my armpit waxer, my dog whisperer, and during the busy season, my small team of Harvard neurologists.

Q. You must have a full schedule, particularly with a family. What does the average week look like?

A. Well, let’s see… Monday, I have a corporate job. Tuesday, corporate job. Wednesday is completely different – corporate job. Thursday – corporate job followed by vast amounts of vodka. Friday, my kids peel me off the floor and wash the vomit from my hair. They’re quite supportive.

Q. Did sales of your book, I Feel Bad, pick up after the launch of your newsletter?

Q. Without a doubt. Substack got me at least 1.4 new book sales.

Q. Would you write another book?

A. Funny you should ask. Just last week, four editors reached out to offer me a seven-book deal, without a proposal! They want anything I care to spit out except my memoir about fathers and sexual abuse, a problem that’s practically obsolete. But in general, editors and agents LOVE me, they literally want to shag me. ‘Please,’ they beg me, ‘stay in touch. We want to reject EVERYTHING you write.’ You can well imagine how exhausting it is fighting them off.

Q. What’s next for you?

I have a children’s book coming out next year, a flatulence inspired clothing line, a line of energy drinks that help promote intestinal gas build-up—that’s expected to hit the shelves in time for the holidays, and a four-part mini-series. I’m also working on a secret recipe for my flatulence inducing energy bars, but I can’t really say any more about that right now. Best of all, the American Medical Association has asked me to illustrate the entire DSM. Just try and stop me!

Q. What tips would you give other Substackers who want the same success?

A. Give up. It takes a lot of dedication and hard work. If you have to strive to be like me, share a shit load of free content. It’s not for the faint hearted but this is America, and everyone gets a chance. Fake it till you forget you actually know nothing. Go to your grave posting obsessively while making zero actual work. Spend every waking moment on every available platform and you too can become a trusted flatulence instigator, a disruptor, a fart emitting authority. Once you’ve provided valuable borborygmi and shown people they can trust you, you’re done.

Also, it’s vital to have a clear deliverable. My subscribers know that every Sunday, I deliver unbeatable, recycled, drivel, bang-for-your-buck, filler content. It’s this sort of predictable bollocks that’s earned me a loyal following and a Substack Badge. That’s why I’m fabulously wealthy. How many other Substackers can claim that kind of success?

How many indeed.

Disclosures: I am an affiliate of Orli Auslander.